Ups and Downs

Last night I was feeling super down. I'd been off the anti-inflammatory meds, and could feel that there was still inflammation. I popped some ibuprofen, and woke up this morning in more pain. I was scared. Should I have gotten the shot? Should I reconsider the shot?

I'd reached out on Facebook, letting others know that I was nervous, scared, sad (I left out that I'm also a bit premenstrual) and immediately received a slew of much needed support. I was feeling better this morning, even meditated (while in the office too), which really centered and calmed me.

I think I love my surgeon... He reminds me of a happy Deepak Chopra. He's funny and relaxed, he put me at ease by letting me know that I'm likely to have a few recurrences that I am to REST through and he agreed that I should wait on the shot (but, also reminded me that it's my choice). He's recommended another round of anti-inflammatories (Aleve) for the next 3 weeks topped off with physical therapy. And, I'm to see him again in another month... (I like him, but not the 2 hour wait to see him.)

Thus, I am again feeling positive and hope-filled. And hoping won't be so worried by the next appointment. Here's to physical therapy!!!!

And I just want to take a moment to thank you (you know who you are). Those of you who've offered help, those of you who've checked in, those of you who've given me rides, helped me to clean my house and feed my family, those of you who've simple "been there" (to listen, talk, etc.), those of you who've reached out over the miles (via phone, FB, email, visits)... Special shout out to my mom for spending a week and a half with us to help me with projects around the house, watching the kiddos and giving my husband a break.

My husband has been beyond amazing. As he said today while leaving the doctors, "Through better or for worse, right? Sickness and in health? Pandas and all... darn the fine print." And been there he has... from the running the house, to the nightly reflexology, to the supportive hugs when I need them and more... My love, awesome and great doesn't even come close. You are beyond that. Thank you.


Thank goodness for dear friends who entertained my kiddos and B&N both appointments - we are SO grateful. So... this means, I need to continue to rest and relax (and not over do it... not that I did this week), and figure out how I'm going to get to the physical therapy. One step at a time...

Oh, more waiting... (Week 20)

Well, finished up the last of the anti-inflammatory meds yesterday. I've two doctor appointments this week, one with the pain clinic, and the other with the neurosurgeon. So far, there is pain, but it is nothing like it was. There is a soreness in the right bum, but I can live with it.

Will no more when the meds are out of the system...

Here's hoping (praying, wishing, desiring) that it worked. Hoping to talk to the docs about going to physical therapy.

On a side note... now that I can move around... finding it harder to be on the computer, to want to be on the computer. Email and FB are slipping... I'm giving myself permission to let it go and not worry about catching up

And now... off to read a book. Oh, and did I mention I've joined Deepak Chopra's 21 day meditation? Why yes, yes I have. (Great practice while I'm waiting, eh?)

Trying to stay positive (Week 18)

Hitting a hard point this week. Exhausted during the day from the anti-inflammatory, yet can't sleep at night because my mind is racing. Mom is in town helping to get things done, and I'm realizing that I think I need more rest.

I'm so tired. I'm so frustrated. Today, I'm feeling pain. I'm feeling helpless and worn and lost.
An amazing care package from a Canadian love arrived today. (Thank you so much.) And it did cheer me, but right now, as I lay here, the rest of my family doing their own thing... I feel weighted down by sadness and the tears are flowing.

I want my life back. I want to lift and hold my child and not feel so blooming helpless. I want to walk outside again. I want to dance and do simple Wii activities. I want to enjoy not working. I have been trying to look into more information about herniated discs, but it's the same old, same old.

I meet with the surgeon again in November, and before that, I'm scheduled to go to the pain clinic for an epidural if the anti-inflammatory doesn't work.

I need to get refocused on the positives here: the cuddles, the snuggles, having my mom here, the gorgeous day today, the cookies and fudge that await me during tomorrow's tea...

But then again... maybe, just maybe I need to take some time and have a good cry. Sigh.

Waiting (Week 14)

October 5th is coming up, and I'm waiting. Oct 5th is when I meet with the surgeon. Today, managing the pain pretty well with the help of essential oil therapy, Omega 3s, and ibuprofen. Able to move better, but still need to be careful.

And still feeling quiet. My energy seems to be a bit low, and I'm trying to do my best to not think too much.

I am loving the weather. :)

Quiet (12 Weeks)

It would appear that I missed a week. There are many thoughts in my mind, and yet I've found myself being quiet on many levels - physically, communication wise, and in general. There is nothing new to report, save that there are days when the pain is less, and days when the pain is more. I haven't been back to the chiropractor because I don't want to re-agitate things, not to mention if I am going into surgery, why spend money on chiropractic. And so... I wait. Quietly.

I'm still not ready to "speak" just yet... No... I need a bit more time to be quiet, breathe more, and wait.

And so, I'll leave you with the song that's been in my head the last few days... :)