The Journey Continues (Week 13)

Today I met with my chiropractor to view the MRIs and compare them. Yup, there's a difference in the two, and it is worse. The disc has indeed degenerated (there is no fluid in it), and you can see the bulge in the second MRI. It covers the nerve. There might even be multiple particles as opposed to the one. I'm on the list to get in to see the surgeon when he returns. In the meantime, I'm focused on the thought that I'm right where I'm meant to be, and it brings me comfort.

I love that my chiropractor was happy to see that I'm standing up straight, even though I'm still in pain. Each time I talk with him, he inspires me. We can talk about anything. He encourages me to try the holistic medicines, that it's my choice and that who knows, I might still be able to heal before the surgery. He is a positive influence in my life, and I admit I miss seeing him twice a week for treatment. I also love how he encourages me to be spiritual... something that I haven't been in a long time.


Emotionally, mentally, even spiritually, this is a journey that is affecting each of those levels. Instead of over thinking, I've been BEing. I've found myself coming across some spiritual information, via links and suggestions. Listening and watching have brought me a sense of peace as I stop worrying about what I'm in control of... and what I'm not.

I don't know where this journey will lead, what the outcome will be. What I do know, is that I'm holding on to "This is just where I'm meant to be." That feels right... and that is what important to me right now.

It's personal.

After a tough week, we come to today. Early this morning I woke up having a mini-panic attack because I was in a lot of pain. My sweet husband consoled me, and helped me to fall back to sleep. 

When I woke up, I was angry. I have come so freakin' far, and I refuse to go back. There was a spark and spunk to me. I wanted to fight for this. I refused to go back.

I managed to forgo ibuprofen today until I saw the chiropractor.  He took a few more xrays to see where I stand. The good news is - my hips are okay! Actually, better than the first xray he took.

The bad news is that the nerve is agitated again. Which means it's the disc. While in traction today, he declared to me, "You do realize that now this is personal. I will help you beat this." Which is what I wanted to hear.

I've upped the anti and I'm calling in reinforcements. Monday, I'm going to try a little something to see if it works. Until then, I'm resting and I will put forth my all to get through this.

On My Own ( Week 7)

Yesterday was the first full day since June 13th that I was on my own without someone here to help. I have been feeling good enough to tackle more things. On Friday, my friend helped me to organize and go through my kiddos clothes. I wanted to get it done so that my hubby, who wanted to do it, didn't have to do it. He's been doing enough as of late, and run into the ground because of it. I was also able to clean off the sinks in the bathroom.

Silly little things, I know. And many of you might laugh at me when I tell you how excited I am when I get the all clear to do laundry, or drive again. But for now, I still need to be patient. As my chiropractor said, "You can balance on that tight rope, and try standing on one foot as long as you are comfortable. Just don't fall off or it's back to square one."

I am grateful for the pain that reminds me to be careful. Yesterday, after being tweaked and twisted, and able to bend pretty far back (Whoo hoo!!!), we discussed where I was in treatment. He explained that outside of the disc (annulus) has layers to it, like an onion, that keeps the inner nucleus pulposus inside. Mine has ruptured, to the point where a particle has leaked out. Will the particle be reabsorbed? We don't know. It might, or it might be a floater in my spinal column.

"As the disc continues to degenerate, or with continued stress on the spine, the inner nucleus pulposus may actually rupture out from the annulus. This is considered a ruptured, or herniated, disc. The fragments of disc material can then press on the nerve roots that are located just behind the disc space. This can cause pain, weakness, numbness, or changes in sensation."


So, where do I stand, and what does this mean? It means that once his adjustments help the nucleus material to settle in, and the layers of the annulus (think onion) heal closed, I should be able to sneeze and cough without fear of going back to square 1. Until then, I admit that I'm a little nervous and treating myself as though I'm fragile. I'm also doing a ton of visualization involving those layers healing with no to minimum scar tissue.

Since getting another MRI is out of the question, unless I have another injury (no thank you) or a ton of money, we have to go by how I feel, and what he can tell based from various tests. The difference between me and crippling, incapacitating pain could be less then a milometer. How's that for a reality check?

Yesterday, he was able to try a few more tests since I was finally able to lay straight on my back without severe pain. He discovered that it's still bulging a bit (but hopefully all the material has been reabsorbed - fingers crossed). I am able to move more, to walk and stand up straight, but a fast move, or a twist in the wrong direction, will provide me with a swift and painful reminder to slow down, and be careful. It's still there.

So what am I cleared to do? He told me to walk as much as I can - but not on concrete nor uneven surfaces. Black top is best, and I'm to be very careful on inclines. I started off barely walking 250 steps a day (according to my pedometer). About two weeks ago, I averaged between 500-800. This past week, I've average 1500. (Yesterday I took over 2500.)

I need to keep active, and work those muscles to prevent chronic pain. I asked how long before I could lift weights: 3-4 months. *Sigh* I was not happy to hear that. At the same time, another reality check to take it easy. One step at a time, as opposed to the way I usually jump in. I suppose it's a good thing that I keep getting this reminder throughout this journey, eh?

I want to continue to improve, to get better. And if that means I can walk, I'm going to do my best to continue to improve, or average where I am. This also means, it's time to be serious about what I eat (oh how that is a challenge in that food has been a comfort for me on many levels). Nothing like an injury to force you into a lifestyle change you couldn't do on your own before hand.

Wondering what a herniated disc is?

Here's a great slideshow with explanation:

http://www.spineuniverse.com/conditions/herniated-disc/herniated-disc-slideshow

Two steps forward, one step back.

One of the things that has made this injury so challenging, is that I'll have a day or two of feeling better (not needing ibuprofen), and then I have traction. When it was the straight traction (think of it along the lines of a padded massage table that works like a rack in that it separates and stretches the body), it wasn't so bad the next day. Yesterday, however, he did some stretching and manipulations  that I was all too aware of this morning.

I am happy to report that the feeling in my toes has improved. I'm standing up straighter. Still need to rest and get tired easy, but I'm aware of the progress. Now, I just need to make sure that I don't sneeze or cough.

Reason #323 Why I Adore My Chiropractor

I had another traction session today with my chiropractor. Though progress is slow, as he said, "You are progressing along just as I expected." Today and yesterday, though still in pain, it's to the point where I've not taken ibuprofen since Tuesday. I have taken Arnica 30c. Originally, I used the gel.  Arnica  helps the inflammation as well as Nordic fish oil. On a level of 1 to 10 (10 being excruciating - don't you dare touch or move me - please pass another Tramadol), I'd venture to say I'm about a 5-6 today.

The first time I met him, I liked him. (And it wasn't because he was very nice looking.) He made eye contact, thoroughly explained everything, and told me right off the bat, "This is what I can do... If we get to a point where I think I can't do anything else, I'll refer you to someone else. If at anytime you aren't comfortable with me, please seek another opinion."

Throughout this entire process he has been up front and honest, and very clear with all of my options - from traction to medications to surgery. He has been a strong pillar of support (whether it be helping me onto the table, talking about how I tend to stress out and what I can do about it, to cheering me on when I've wanted to give up, and then some). The entire time I've been his patient, he reaffirms that it's my choice, and he's done everything in his power to help ease my pain. He did everything to try and get me on my vacation, and was upset with us when we all realized that it wasn't going to happen. He took the time to explain everything to my hubby, including showing us the MRI. He called me on a Saturday night, after returning from an overnight trip to give me the results of my MRI.

Next week, he's upping the anti with traction in doing more manipulations. Today, while in traction, I could feel the feeling in my foot lighten up. (It used to feel like pins and needles, as though it were asleep. Now, it feel tight, as though it was swollen - which it is not.) I was able to move a bit more. Today, I felt hope. It's still a long road, each day another step down it.

In the beginning...

On June 13, 2012 I woke up with severe sciatica. By June 14th, I couldn't walk without assistance. I had to borrow a wheel chair to get to my MRI and to go to the doctor to get pain meds and muscle relaxers. Mind you, we were scheduled to leave for vacation on June 15th.

Vacation did not happen. In the course of a few days, life as I knew it changed as I found myself incapacitated by pain that was so bad, I wanted to be placed in a dark hole and not move again. (Mind you, I'm familiar with pain. I birthed two kiddos without medication or epidurals.)

During this process I've had to deal with intense pain. I've had to rely on others for help. I've had to be still (and that is when you learn just how active the mind really is). I've been humbled. I've struggled to keep a chin up. I've learned to deal with pain.  Our entire family has been affected on multiple levels. This is how it all began.