"In 3 months it's usually healed..." words from the surgeon echoed in my mind over the weekend as I dealt with fear and pain. Apparently, me and Aleve do not get a long. So, there was a bit of rebellion, then waiting for it to clear my system so I could return to the ibuprofen (which is like an old friend now).
Fear has been an old friend through this process as well. It has challenged me, and I face it a lot. In another month I will return to meet the surgeon. Who, is pretty convinced I won't need surgery. At the same time, he won't release me from care either, until he is certain. So, I breathe, and hope and pray that my back will heal.
Today, however, I took a break from fear. I started the morning with a meditation before I left the bed. I had breakfast in quiet while the kiddos slept in. My friend stopped by to massage my back. I woke the girls up with a song and hugs. I contacted the physical therapists, and found one that is in a nice location (the other two were in stressful traffic areas).
The weather was amazing, and we opened the window to air out my house. The girls wanted to go for a walk. I followed my intuition and went with it. The sun was glorious... and oh to walk and move! I had to be careful... I didn't push myself (oh how I wanted to go farther). It was so glorious, that we ate lunch outside. The wind chimes sang as the breeze danced through them. We smiled and laughed.
Later I caught myself humming which turned into singing, and a small bit of dancing. I knew I had to rest, so I did. Hubby came home I I couldn't stop smiling. There... I'm doing it again. I meditated again, and took care of a few things, ate the most delicious dinner, and here I am. Resting. Smiling. Happy.
I still need to remind myself to take it easy and slow. Tomorrow I meet with the physical therapist. I am filled with hope, but greater than that, I am filled with joy and peace, right where I am. It's nice. I hope it stays for a while.
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