Taking a Stand (Week 23)

Last week was amazing, even with hubby having to work all week. Aside from the gorgeous weather, which enabled me and the kids to go to the park everyday (including Thanksgiving), we had a quiet, delicious dinner, park time in the sun, and then we returned for pie. I ate 2 dinners (we ate first at noon), and 2 slices of pie bathed in bourbon flavored whip cream. Yummy.

On Friday, I was shifted to see a student physical therapist. Now, had it been a routine visit, I'd have been fine. But I was sore (I actually called the office about it on Wednesday and got an exercise to fix it), grumpy because I was in pain and at that time, I needed her to be more assertive and knowledgeable (the owner actually added 2 exercises to the program). I kept reminding myself that she needs to learn and practice, so I was nice, but very emotional. Lesson learned - I've got to speak up.

Thankfully, whatever she did helped the pain. On Friday it snowed and rained, but I got out and walked. I walked in the cold on Saturday and Sunday as well. Today, we went to the park again. It was awesome. Tomorrow, I've another PT (physical therapy) meeting.

I'm feeling stronger. I'm able to move more, and my new "goal" is to be able to sit on the couch and watch a movie with my family, and not be in severe pain afterward. Will it happen? I have hope. Since I started PT, I've already come so far. I can drive short distances. I've gone from maybe 250-300 steps per day when bed-ridden, to 800 -1000 steps per day (maybe over 1000 on good days) to averaging about 5000 steps (today I'm over 7000 so far - yay!) in the last 2 weeks. And, the walking makes it feel better.

This entire process has been such a learning curve. I'm learning how to speak up for myself. I'm learning what works for my body, and what doesn't. I'm learning that sometimes, I need to do my own research and find my own way, with the help of the professionals around me.

It's been quite the journey, to say the least. A lot has happened to bring me to this point in my life. And I have to say, that right now, this moment, despite the tweak of pain here and there... I am content. I am happy. I am filled with joy.

Thanksgiving Week (Week 22)

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I have much to be thankful for this week - like being able to walk to the park down the way and around the circle in my neighborhood. I'm sore this week... hoping it's just from physical therapy, or walking... supposed to meet with the therapist tomorrow...


The good news is... I don't need as much ibuprofen... actually, I've been taking the curcumin (turmeric) which is helping a lot.

Here's hoping...

Fear, Sunshine, and Happiness (Week 21)

"In 3 months it's usually healed..." words from the surgeon echoed in my mind over the weekend as I dealt with fear and pain. Apparently, me and Aleve do not get a long. So, there was a bit of rebellion, then waiting for it to clear my system so I could return to the ibuprofen (which is like an old friend now).

Fear has been an old friend through this process as well. It has challenged me, and I face it a lot. In another month I will return to meet the surgeon. Who, is pretty convinced I won't need surgery. At the same time, he won't release me from care either, until he is certain. So, I breathe, and hope and pray that my back will heal.

Today, however, I took a break from fear. I started the morning with a meditation before I left the bed. I had breakfast in quiet while the kiddos slept in. My friend stopped by to massage my back. I woke the girls up with a song and hugs. I contacted the physical therapists, and found one that is in a nice location (the other two were in stressful traffic areas).

The weather was amazing, and we opened the window to air out my house. The girls wanted to go for a walk. I followed my intuition and went with it. The sun was glorious... and oh to walk and move! I had to be careful... I didn't push myself (oh how I wanted to go farther). It was so glorious, that we ate lunch outside. The wind chimes sang as the breeze danced through them. We smiled and laughed.

Later I caught myself humming which turned into singing, and a small bit of dancing. I knew I had to rest, so I did. Hubby came home I I couldn't stop smiling. There... I'm doing it again. I meditated again, and took care of a few things, ate the most delicious dinner, and here I am. Resting. Smiling. Happy.

I still need to remind myself to take it easy and slow. Tomorrow I meet with the physical therapist. I am filled with hope, but greater than that, I am filled with joy and peace, right where I am. It's nice. I hope it stays for a while.

Ups and Downs

Last night I was feeling super down. I'd been off the anti-inflammatory meds, and could feel that there was still inflammation. I popped some ibuprofen, and woke up this morning in more pain. I was scared. Should I have gotten the shot? Should I reconsider the shot?

I'd reached out on Facebook, letting others know that I was nervous, scared, sad (I left out that I'm also a bit premenstrual) and immediately received a slew of much needed support. I was feeling better this morning, even meditated (while in the office too), which really centered and calmed me.

I think I love my surgeon... He reminds me of a happy Deepak Chopra. He's funny and relaxed, he put me at ease by letting me know that I'm likely to have a few recurrences that I am to REST through and he agreed that I should wait on the shot (but, also reminded me that it's my choice). He's recommended another round of anti-inflammatories (Aleve) for the next 3 weeks topped off with physical therapy. And, I'm to see him again in another month... (I like him, but not the 2 hour wait to see him.)

Thus, I am again feeling positive and hope-filled. And hoping won't be so worried by the next appointment. Here's to physical therapy!!!!

And I just want to take a moment to thank you (you know who you are). Those of you who've offered help, those of you who've checked in, those of you who've given me rides, helped me to clean my house and feed my family, those of you who've simple "been there" (to listen, talk, etc.), those of you who've reached out over the miles (via phone, FB, email, visits)... Special shout out to my mom for spending a week and a half with us to help me with projects around the house, watching the kiddos and giving my husband a break.

My husband has been beyond amazing. As he said today while leaving the doctors, "Through better or for worse, right? Sickness and in health? Pandas and all... darn the fine print." And been there he has... from the running the house, to the nightly reflexology, to the supportive hugs when I need them and more... My love, awesome and great doesn't even come close. You are beyond that. Thank you.


Thank goodness for dear friends who entertained my kiddos and B&N both appointments - we are SO grateful. So... this means, I need to continue to rest and relax (and not over do it... not that I did this week), and figure out how I'm going to get to the physical therapy. One step at a time...

Pain Clinic - No shot this time!

Had my appointment at the pain clinic today. The doc was awesome. I want the zen feeling that both he and my surgeon share. Seriously - they radiate calm and peace. It's lovely. When I told the doc that I didn't want the epidural steroid shot, his response was, "If you don't want it, then you don't need it."

Good news is that since the steroids and anti-inflammatory meds are working, it means that I am indeed dealing with disc inflammation, especially as I've not taken anything since the anti-inflammatory meds. In other words the disc bulge isn't pushing on my disc. So, putting together questions for the surgeon, as today's doc recommended I exercise and maintain a healthy weight. (They weighed me with my winter coat and shoes on, which added about 10 pounds.) Frankly, I need to find someone to work with me and teach me what I can and can't do. So, here's hoping for physical therapy... onto Friday for the next appointment... 

Oh, and he also said, that if it ever gets that bad again, to call them and tell them that he'd get me in within a week for the steroid shot. Feeling very hopeful. :)

Oh, more waiting... (Week 20)

Well, finished up the last of the anti-inflammatory meds yesterday. I've two doctor appointments this week, one with the pain clinic, and the other with the neurosurgeon. So far, there is pain, but it is nothing like it was. There is a soreness in the right bum, but I can live with it.

Will no more when the meds are out of the system...

Here's hoping (praying, wishing, desiring) that it worked. Hoping to talk to the docs about going to physical therapy.

On a side note... now that I can move around... finding it harder to be on the computer, to want to be on the computer. Email and FB are slipping... I'm giving myself permission to let it go and not worry about catching up

And now... off to read a book. Oh, and did I mention I've joined Deepak Chopra's 21 day meditation? Why yes, yes I have. (Great practice while I'm waiting, eh?)

Better to be wiped out than in pain (Week 19)

Oh the tiredness... topped off by some viral bug this week, thus I've been laying lower than usual. Appetite is nil, but just enough to enjoy the maple syrup candy from Vermont care of my ILs. Yum.

I know I've been posting a lot about the process, but today, I had to express my gratitude. Today was gray and rainy, and it started warm, but there is now a cool breeze blowing that smells of autumn. I was able to stay on my feet all morning, even got some cleaning done while hubby went to the store. We put a pot of beef stew on the stove, that I ate for dinner, and it was lovely. And earlier, Hubby and I went off to Midsomer (as in Midsomer Murders). I was even lucky enough to have my youngest snuggle up with me and fall asleep in my arms.

Oh how I so appreciate the snuggles now, especially as they get bigger. Just this morning my youngest came to me, upset because she couldn't find her sister. "Mommy? Where is my sista? I need to find her. I need to give her a hug and kiss!" Sure enough, she found her and delivered.

Sweet bliss.

The anti-inflammatory medicine is indeed working. Fingers crossed that it continues to work through All Hallow's Eve next week, and that I won't need the epidural steroid shot.

And now I wish you all a good weekend, as I'm off to Bollywood for a few hours.